Why Not To Travel To Croatia

Ever thought of going to Croatia?  Don’t. You might as well stay at home.

1. After all, The turquoise water of the Adriatic Sea is nothing close to spectacular

So blue

The intense colour of the seawater is not good for your eyes.

2. Stunning sights are hard to come by, especially in Dubrovnik

King’s Landing er.. aka Dubrovnik

George Bernard Shaw must have been crazy to call this city a paradise.

3. and Hvar? Just another boring city.

Red roofs, medieval walls and the Adriatic Sea

Goodness knows why celebrities flock here.

4. Not to mention, the wine is sub-par

Zinfandel wine

Clearly, the Croatians produce absolutely tasteless versions of the drink. Clearly.

5. and There’s nothing special about the food

Octopus and potato peka

There are probably plenty of restaurants at home that serve octopus and vegetables drizzled with olive oil, sprinkled with herbs, and then baked to utter deliciousness under a bell-like dome. No big deal.

6. plus the oysters of mali ston are overrated

Fresh oysters at Mali Ston

Conde Nast listed eating oysters in Croatia at number 7 on it’s list of 50 Things to Do in Europe Before You Die but they must be mistaken.

7. croatians don’t know how to party

Fort George

Yep, the nightlife in Split is such a snoozer.

8. Plitvice Lakes is just another UNESCO-world heritage site. meh.

Plitvice Lakes National Park

There’s nothing impressive about being able to walk over lakes and by waterfalls. Move along, move along.

9. and the Mirogoj cemetery … just another cemetery

The Mirogoj cemetery

Don’t expect to be stunned.

10. Plus people in croatia just hate visitors

Croatian locals at a coffee shop

Those smiles must be completely forced and fake.

So, there you go. Nothing special about Croatia at all. Nothing to see, do, experience, eat and drink. Why would anyone want to visit, right?

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Autumn in Croatia

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